“I am so sorry but we decided to go another way…” is what the email read.

I had to take my daughter across town and I didn’t want her to see my cry. But that girl reads me so well.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t get that job,” I replied.

“Oh mom, I am so sorry.”

She is quiet as we drive, empathizing and wondering all at the same time. We drive in silence through traffic as tears escape from my eyes despite my willingness for them to dry up. I drive and internally fight against rejection, battle for truth, and anger against God.

Then she wonders aloud, “It seems like things just aren’t going our way lately. Is there something wrong with us? Are we cursed or doing something wrong? It just seems like God isn’t on our side or something.”

I choke out a bitter laugh because I have had these same thoughts.

It’s 4:30 a.m. The house is quiet. I roll out of bed and try to not wake up my husband. I turn on the shower, brush my teeth, pull my hair up in a bun so that it won’t get wet, step into the solace of the shower and let the water pour over me. I breathe in the steam and the scent of my almond milk soap.

On the front porch where the roses are blooming, the welcome mat is set out.

Welcome. An invitation to be come in and just be. To be welcomed is to be gladly received.

Life comes in waves and you can either drown or walk on water. That’s the difference between living this life without Jesus and living with Him. Because in the midst of breathless days, he is the very breath you breathe.

We are a family that loves to celebrate and feast (which is just a fancy word for eat!)

So anytime we get to celebrate we take full advantage.

Every year I have the same desire: To be intentional with my time, my family, my friends and mostly my spiritual life. 

Being intentional in all of these relationships requires much of me. I have to be mindful of our time and be diligent about planning.

Early on in our marriage, my husband was struggling with his career and finding his place.

…Sometimes, though all those things are good, there are seasons in the lives of our children and our husbands where we don’t need just good, we need the supernatural to intervene.

The beginning of the school year always brings with it routine, which to be honest, after a summer of fun and sleeping in and travel, routine is much desired. I have learned that as a mom, rest and rhythms are essential.

I haven’t read my bible in two weeks. I have sat with it in my lap. I have opened the app a few times. I have avoided it as well. I love reading my bible. But these past few weeks I just haven’t had the heart.

Been there before? Yeah.

Have you ever been overwhelmed with so much sadness you couldn’t pray?

Have you ever been overwhelmed with so much life, you are just moving through the weeds as fast as you can so they don’t choke you?

Dear Jesus,

I do not have much peace today Lord. The unrest of the world, the uncertainty of the future, even the unrest between your saints is difficult to contend with Lord. I am flailing, wavering, weak and tired.

Assure me of your peace Lord.

Your presence is the very breath I breathe and you surround me, therefore, peace is mine for you said, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” John 14:27.