My dearest friends were sitting in the living room. We had been looking forward to our girls weekend for months. Sadly, for much of the day I found myself struggling in my heart. We were laughing, having good conversations, enjoying our time together, but lies began to befall on me.

Feelings of insecurity plagued my thoughts and I couldn’t shake them. Despite my trying to filter truth, the feelings of unworthiness were persistent. As the day wore on, I was struggling in my mind and soul.

In a timid voice, I finally spoke and said, “I am struggling with so much insecurity and I don’t know why.”

In that moment the thoughts I had been battling in the depths of my heart for the entire day were cast into the light. The dark lies from the depths of hell no longer had a hold on me. Immediately, these women who know my sins, my pride, my hearts desires and greatest fears spoke life into the darkness, gathered around me and prayed for truth to deliver me from my tumultuous thoughts.

Truth was returned and my faith, the substance of all my hope, despite whatever isn’t seen or even often felt, rose up within me.

During these days of crisis, as a pandemic beats its way into our lives, I’m reminded of that evening and the power of confession.

The way we normally do things is not an option these days. Our normal is gone. Our normal celebration of Easter will not be normal at all. Churches across the country and parts of the world will be closed. Traditional Easter hunts are cancelled. Most of us will be forgoing Easter outfits and pictures for pajamas and couch selfies.

I’m recognizing that God needs very little to do the things he desires. He doesn’t need the church steeple or the people. His way to the Resurrection was FOR us. We had little to do with it, other than the fact that we were sinners in need of a savior. Jesus had compassion on us and then carried his cross for us so that we could have communion with him and be saved from our sins. The plan of salvation was always in I am.

I am the Way.

I am the Truth.

I am the Life.

I seek solace in our backyard. Space and time away from the noise and from my precious family who I love dearly, yet who seem to be all around. All. The. Time. During these days of COVID-19, I find myself in a place of constant serving and encouraging. I wake up and our days are a repeat of the one before. It is like being trapped in the film, “Groundhog Day,” but this is real life and not nearly as comical.

My mind is consumed with disquieting thoughts. I am determined to keep rhythms and peace in our home. I am determined to protect my family in the simple ways that I can which include cooking from our pantry and avoiding stores. I am determined to seek beauty and create a sense of normalcy. I am consumed by such simple ways of living, some of which were barely a factor of life merely a few weeks ago.

I am sitting on a porch across from a body of water. The wind blows fresh air and the fog begins to lift, the sun begins to stream in and the clouds that were covering the warmth of the sun begin to move across the sky, revealing blue heavens. Peace abounds in that moment, yet the world falls to chaos.

On my phone, TV and across the world, people are full of fear and panic. This virus that is moving across the world has so many concerned and fearful. It has already had its affects on so many aspects of life, plans and vacations have been cancelled, grocery store shelves are emptied, events are being cancelled.

We are not a fearful people, but hopeful. Peace rules our hearts, because it is times like these where what we preach and declare makes its way into how we truly live.

My little girls play with my makeup and shoes, make believing that they are older, fun loving and free.

If I blink, they will be daughters who I hold in my heart, rather than ones who still let me hold their hand. At 11 years old, mama’s shoes are just a bit too big, but very soon, oh so very soon, those heels will be clicking out the door towards new adventure and life.

With every glimpse I see the picture of the coming years. They age. They mature. It’s so beautiful, yet heart wrenching.

How do we really live full and heart filled lives?

The relationship between mothers and daughters is one of God’s growing plans. From the moment the pink bundle is placed in your arms, your heart grows with dreams.

All you want is to be a ceiling that her one day heeled feet will stand on. All you want is your own mama to help you stand.

We sat around the fire after a sweet time of fellowship and prayer. My favorite people and dearest of friends; each of us with our hopes and dreams and fears. We place our hope in Christ, hopes for our children, ourselves and our marriage.

Somehow the conversation turns toward more intimate details of our marriages and we laugh and encourage each other.

How do you keep your marriage steamy and romantic and wonderful? After 15 plus years of marriage, kids, weariness, what makes marriage better?

A friend gives us a challenge. At first we think she’s joking because, well, her challenge was this: Get intimate with your husband for 30 days.

We are ONE MONTH into this new year and new decade and I am already overwhelmed! I think January should have a do-over actually! Or Now that I am ready for a new year, I’m going to officially start today! Seriously, I feel as if I needed an extra month to get my head around this whole new year, fresh start, new beginning, starting over thing…and now we are in February…I have taken some time to think about the last 10 years and to dream and seek vision for the next decade. What shall those years bring?

One of my dearest friends introduced me to the idea of asking, “Where’s your red dot?” In other words, “Where are you at?” Where are you at spiritually? Where are you at in your marriage, motherhood, quiet time, and all the other craziness of life?

I love the ocean; the roar of the waves when the sea is rough or the stillness of the water when it is calm. Amid the breeze and the salty sea air I breathe easily and all I desire is to sink deep. There are times I walk into the ocean and dive in deep, hands over my head, I jump in…

My son can be difficult. He is definitely an 'alpha male,' strong willed, stubborn and relentless. I am the opposite in many ways. I don't like confrontation and am very sensitive, yet easily angered. We have both become better. That's what growing up does, right...it makes us better. We both have a long way to go.