My son can be difficult. He is definitely an 'alpha male,' strong willed, stubborn and relentless. I am the opposite in many ways. I don't like confrontation and am very sensitive, yet easily angered.
We have both become better.That's what growing up does, right...it makes us better.We both have a long way to go. It's funny because he is the child I probably get into the most arguments with. He clashes hard against me. It's like he's been wanting to make his way since he started walking and he tries to move me out of that way as much as possible.He is determined. He is strong.I push back because he is so young still and innocent and he's not ready.
His greatest attributes are his honesty, his friendliness, his truth.
But he doesn't know that this world walks in the gray, not in the black and white. This world casts down those who are not in it for themselves. This world beats out the truth and stands on perceptions.
I am afraid for him. He wants to make his way and I want to yell WAIT! Hold on. Stay safe.I want to helicopter, to hold on tight, to keep him safe. He wants to run his race. To fly freely. To let go. To work out his own faith.
It keeps reverberating in my head..."I didn't call you to be safe. I called you to have faith." "But that's meant for me God, not my baby! I'm suppose to keep them safe. YOU are suppose to keep them safe...right?" Faith.Believing without seeing. Without knowing. Trust.Believing that whenever and wherever my kids make their way, God is the one creating the path and He is the one holding them and HE is their safety. I find myself praying more. Daily Breath prayers of course...but also the crying out, on my knees kinda prayers too.
Surrender sometimes happens very slowly.
It takes cupping your hands under a spring as you try desperately to hold the water from slipping through your fingers. Yet, once you release the hold, you realize the spring never stops.
The living water is gathered and it brings life and sustenance always, for you and for yours. I let the water pour out and over me and pour it all into my loves and my life.
I breathe. He sustains.