I lay in my hammock and enjoy the breeze of the day. Laying on my hammock has become my happy place.

During quarantine we spent so much time in our yard and have made it an oasis during this time of drought. We have planted seeds and watched them grow, we have cleaned, we have created a place of rest.

I begin to pray and spend time with Jesus, fully intending to leave all the stress and worries and anxieties at His feet. There are so many things that make my heart break. The chaos of the world, the sickness, the economy, the conversations I am having with my children, and the simple struggle for a sweet summer.

Church on our couch during this pandemic has been wonderful in many ways. We are worshiping and engaging in service together as a family and we are usually on time! Every week after the sermon, we have sat and answered questions and have engaged in really great conversations.

One such conversation that has continually come up these past few weeks has been the importance of reading our bibles.

I couldn’t breathe. I could feel panic setting in and I knew I wasn’t okay.

My mind began to race. I thought I was delivered from anxiety Lord! I thought you had saved me from these fears. I was so confused. I felt broken. Again.

It had been years since the darkness covered me in such a way. It had been years since the looming black cloud had made its way into my life.

I refused to go back there.

I refused to lose myself, my faith or my hope.

I refused to pick up the chains of slavery, when I had been set free and delivered.

I seek solace in our backyard. Space and time away from the noise and from my precious family who I love dearly, yet who seem to be all around. All. The. Time. During these days of COVID-19, I find myself in a place of constant serving and encouraging. I wake up and our days are a repeat of the one before. It is like being trapped in the film, “Groundhog Day,” but this is real life and not nearly as comical.

My mind is consumed with disquieting thoughts. I am determined to keep rhythms and peace in our home. I am determined to protect my family in the simple ways that I can which include cooking from our pantry and avoiding stores. I am determined to seek beauty and create a sense of normalcy. I am consumed by such simple ways of living, some of which were barely a factor of life merely a few weeks ago.

I am sitting on a porch across from a body of water. The wind blows fresh air and the fog begins to lift, the sun begins to stream in and the clouds that were covering the warmth of the sun begin to move across the sky, revealing blue heavens. Peace abounds in that moment, yet the world falls to chaos.

On my phone, TV and across the world, people are full of fear and panic. This virus that is moving across the world has so many concerned and fearful. It has already had its affects on so many aspects of life, plans and vacations have been cancelled, grocery store shelves are emptied, events are being cancelled.

We are not a fearful people, but hopeful. Peace rules our hearts, because it is times like these where what we preach and declare makes its way into how we truly live.

We are ONE MONTH into this new year and new decade and I am already overwhelmed! I think January should have a do-over actually! Or Now that I am ready for a new year, I’m going to officially start today! Seriously, I feel as if I needed an extra month to get my head around this whole new year, fresh start, new beginning, starting over thing…and now we are in February…I have taken some time to think about the last 10 years and to dream and seek vision for the next decade. What shall those years bring?

I love the ocean; the roar of the waves when the sea is rough or the stillness of the water when it is calm. Amid the breeze and the salty sea air I breathe easily and all I desire is to sink deep. There are times I walk into the ocean and dive in deep, hands over my head, I jump in…

My son can be difficult. He is definitely an 'alpha male,' strong willed, stubborn and relentless. I am the opposite in many ways. I don't like confrontation and am very sensitive, yet easily angered. We have both become better. That's what growing up does, right...it makes us better. We both have a long way to go.

I find myself having to make lots of decisions.It’s that time of year, I suppose. Decisions have to be made such as which classes my children should take, curriculum choices, what activities should they pursue and all the things that surround those choices. It can be quite overwhelming and I get anxious and feel very inadequate for the tasks set before me.

I walk into the laundry room. Towels have erupted all over the place. I’m days behind on the monotony of wash, dry, fold, put away. The sink has dishes piled up. Each of my kids are needing something from me at the same time. I feel guilt wash over me…It’s all so messy and busy and weary.