“I am so sorry but we decided to go another way…” is what the email read.

I had to take my daughter across town and I didn’t want her to see my cry. But that girl reads me so well.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

“I didn’t get that job,” I replied.

“Oh mom, I am so sorry.”

She is quiet as we drive, empathizing and wondering all at the same time. We drive in silence through traffic as tears escape from my eyes despite my willingness for them to dry up. I drive and internally fight against rejection, battle for truth, and anger against God.

Then she wonders aloud, “It seems like things just aren’t going our way lately. Is there something wrong with us? Are we cursed or doing something wrong? It just seems like God isn’t on our side or something.”

I choke out a bitter laugh because I have had these same thoughts.

It’s 4:30 a.m. The house is quiet. I roll out of bed and try to not wake up my husband. I turn on the shower, brush my teeth, pull my hair up in a bun so that it won’t get wet, step into the solace of the shower and let the water pour over me. I breathe in the steam and the scent of my almond milk soap.

I woke up with so much anxiousness today.

I woke up restless and fear was lurking in the dawn.

On the front porch where the roses are blooming, the welcome mat is set out.

Welcome. An invitation to be come in and just be. To be welcomed is to be gladly received.

“THIS IS THE WAY HE DESIRE TO ENTER INTO OUR DAILY LIVES AND BE PRESENT IN EVERY ASPECT, BRINGING WITH HIM HIS ABUNDANT PEACE. ”

As I stand by my front door, I can imagine opening the door to welcome in Jesus.

Everyday.

There is a deep desire within all of us to know God and to know his love. Yet this world is so noisy, and we tend to do whatever we can to get by without leaning into Him. When I finally lean in, be still and wait, that is when transformation happens. We ought to lean in, we ought to know God’s love, but that requires some waiting and well, we are not good waiters.

Spiritual Disciplines are not only markers of our faith, but also catalyst to growing our faith daily.

As believers it is essential for us to be bearing much fruit, for it is in the fruit that those of the world see that we are His disciples (John 13:35). That is the purpose of abiding in Christ. We must develop a desire for more of God’s nature in our lives, so that we can reflect his son and glorify our father. Spiritual disciplines help us to disciple ourselves and therefore, develop Godliness.

As we begin a new school year, I find myself repeating this particular phrase again and again. I am exhaling it out in hopes that I will find joy and purpose within its words.

“Can you believe we get to do this?

I am trying to make a habit of repeating this phrase when I feel stuck or uncertain, frustrated and ungrateful.

Life comes in waves and you can either drown or walk on water. That’s the difference between living this life without Jesus and living with Him. Because in the midst of breathless days, he is the very breath you breathe. When you see the water mounting above you, the storm all around, and you are not sure you can survive any of it, faith is believing the hand of Jesus is outstretched toward you, strong enough to holding you up, and close enough to pull you near. When all you can do is keep your eyes on Him, that is when you walk on water.